[ Rinne straightens up in his seat, no longer feeling the sweet, heady haze that came with that night's memory. It's been well past the morning after now, and Rinne's already begun sobering up.
He had reached out to Takasugi tonight because of a dream. In that dream, he had asked his brother what he wanted to be.
"Hiiro, you have more freedom than me..."
That's the difference between him and Takasugi. If he could simply sever his shame, this would be so easy to do. But Takasugi will never despise him? Never? No, Takasugi doesn't know that. Takasugi doesn't know anything at all.
Not that he can admit it.
He should say something Takasugi wants to hear. Something Rinne wants to believe. Something like... ]
Maybe I was you in another life. We both want so much, maybe I... If your soul were in the cycle of samsara...
How is it gross? But... wanting to be me, or be with me beyond this,
( as if there's anything good about him.
it's his turn to lean back, then sit up straight to play with and fix his hair, unseen by the video feed. )
Can't happen. The only reason I'm here is because my soul is detached from such things.
( and that's the real reason why takasugi shouldn't be dragging someone along, leaving what remains of him to ebb and flow in the heart of someone with a real future.
for as frustrating as the reminder is. for as much as he knows he'll indulge anyway. )
You don’t have to stay up and listen to me ramble on, though. For as much as I enjoy the sound of your voice, I've got a lot to wrap up still. Plus, with the full moon coming this weekend, you need plenty of time to decide what you want to bring. A kiss, was it? Maybe more.
( he doesn't bring himself back into the frame, a hand tapping lightly at the side of his syntrofos. )
After all Takasugi said that night, after all Rinne did to keep him close, he still has to go?
Rinne doesn't have the time to process it. He's still stuck on the matter of souls when Takasugi is already bidding him goodbye. ]
Shinsaku—
[ Shinsaku, what? Rinne's not sure. It's not like him to chase someone like this, but as he scrambles for the man on his screen, the words tumble out of him in a hurry. ]
Shinsaku, wait! Don't hang up. Tell me more! You never said anything about...
[ Anything, really. The one who knew nothing was Rinne all along. ]
You know. I thought it might be difficult to get used to hearing that instead of whatever else you call me, but it's actually not a problem at all. It's nostalgic. I like it, ... especially when it comes from you.
( his brow furrows. being dead isn't the issue. that's a fact he can't change.
but showing rinne his bothered expression where he's realizing just how much he's getting attached to those casual "what ifs," like staying here and being with him, even if that's not what rinne really wants, is something he absolutely has to avoid. his chest is tight. it hurts to breathe. when was the last time it felt this tight outside of his body failing him? maybe back in that prison cell, waiting to hear what was happening outside, where every piece of news was never in his favor.
he can't run from it like he usually does, this feeling. )
I told you before that my existence, my very history was recorded by the will of mankind. That means my soul is removed from karmic circumstances like rebirth. Usually, I'm just a being called upon by someone looking for help to fulfill their wishes. I'm not even a person with a physical body—just pure magical energy. You could say that being here in Karteria with all of you and having a real body feels like I'm living a second life. Takasugi Shinsaku, the superstar from Choshu, is living and breathing here. But after that...
( there's no reincarnating. there's no meeting again. this is it. he rubs red strands of hair between his fingers. )
We were both meant for great things, you said? I believe that wholeheartedly. And I'll make it happen. You and me, together.
[It shouldn't be such a big deal. Takasugi Shinsaku is already dead. But he's alive now. He eats with them, sings with them, looks out for them. Rinne even got him a doctor to manage his pain. But the clock is still ticking and it eats at him, knowing their time is short. Worse — that they might never even see each other after this.
But that's normal. Natural, even. Humans live and die. People from different places and eras were never meant to meet. Everything up until this point has been nothing short of a miracle. But even though Takasugi always knew he was going to leave, he always spoiled Rinne with no hesitation. Could anyone blame Rinne if he wanted more?
His lip quivers. For once, he murmurs one small, childish desire.]
But you said you'd meet us in Hagi.
[Enough of this. There are greater things ahead of them, and he's starting to sound like someone he knows — someone who's always made it difficult to leave him.]
Whatever. I'm such a kid. [Playing at family, wishing for silly things. You and me, together? Don't lie to him like that.] I'm gonna go back to bed. Don't stay up too late. Good night, Shinsaku.
[Rinne ends the call before Takasugi gets the chance.]
Edited (makes this worse) Date: 2025-08-07 04:13 am (UTC)
( for takasugi, this starts with silence and then ends in silence.
he doesn't move as the broadcast cuts, as the line is severed between them.
after all, who can blame rinne? it's a harsh reality to hear. it's what takasugi has been carrying with him this whole time. it's not the fun he promises, nor the sort of song that would strum someone into action alongside him. for as much as he wants to, he can't hold rinne's hand through everything. takasugi had always wanted another chance to "live" a little longer, to experience more as he spread his crazy wings and navigated an era that did its best to feel beyond him.
but right now, it feels like none of that matters.
not while he's alone, staring at his empty hands and the sketches on the pages beneath them. even among the closest people, there are countless distances, takasugi knows. but that doesn't mean he likes it. he's just pretending to be fine with it like always.
there are more important issues to focus on than his feelings. he needs to assist with their financial issues, figure out how to manage their growing popularity, and consider what comes next for karteria as a whole. the plight for this humanity's survival was a real one, after all, and there were still so many uncertainties out there.
but right now, takasugi quietly reaches for his jacket that he left hanging on a bolt near his bed. he spreads it out carefully with the arms extended and then lays down on it. it still has that scent clinging to it—the peak of summer, all warm delight and sparking a passion that might bring someone to life in the heat. it won't last forever, but he clings to it regardless. mutters, "i'd kill all the crows in the world," into it as it soothes the restlessness in his soul, curling a hand into the white fabric.
tomorrow, he'll greet the morning like always and start over. because as long as takasugi shinsaku exists, life is supposed to be interesting. )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2025-08-06 05:20 pm (UTC)He had reached out to Takasugi tonight because of a dream. In that dream, he had asked his brother what he wanted to be.
"Hiiro, you have more freedom than me..."
That's the difference between him and Takasugi. If he could simply sever his shame, this would be so easy to do. But Takasugi will never despise him? Never? No, Takasugi doesn't know that. Takasugi doesn't know anything at all.
Not that he can admit it.
He should say something Takasugi wants to hear. Something Rinne wants to believe. Something like... ]
Maybe I was you in another life. We both want so much, maybe I... If your soul were in the cycle of samsara...
Heh. That's kinda gross, though, isn't it?
( 1 / 2 )
Date: 2025-08-06 05:51 pm (UTC)( as if there's anything good about him.
it's his turn to lean back, then sit up straight to play with and fix his hair, unseen by the video feed. )
Can't happen. The only reason I'm here is because my soul is detached from such things.
( and that's the real reason why takasugi shouldn't be dragging someone along, leaving what remains of him to ebb and flow in the heart of someone with a real future.
for as frustrating as the reminder is. for as much as he knows he'll indulge anyway. )
( 2 / 2 )
Date: 2025-08-06 05:57 pm (UTC)( he doesn't bring himself back into the frame, a hand tapping lightly at the side of his syntrofos. )
no subject
Date: 2025-08-06 06:32 pm (UTC)After all Takasugi said that night, after all Rinne did to keep him close, he still has to go?
Rinne doesn't have the time to process it. He's still stuck on the matter of souls when Takasugi is already bidding him goodbye. ]
Shinsaku—
[ Shinsaku, what? Rinne's not sure. It's not like him to chase someone like this, but as he scrambles for the man on his screen, the words tumble out of him in a hurry. ]
Shinsaku, wait! Don't hang up. Tell me more! You never said anything about...
[ Anything, really. The one who knew nothing was Rinne all along. ]
no subject
Date: 2025-08-06 08:37 pm (UTC)( his brow furrows. being dead isn't the issue. that's a fact he can't change.
but showing rinne his bothered expression where he's realizing just how much he's getting attached to those casual "what ifs," like staying here and being with him, even if that's not what rinne really wants, is something he absolutely has to avoid. his chest is tight. it hurts to breathe. when was the last time it felt this tight outside of his body failing him? maybe back in that prison cell, waiting to hear what was happening outside, where every piece of news was never in his favor.
he can't run from it like he usually does, this feeling. )
I told you before that my existence, my very history was recorded by the will of mankind. That means my soul is removed from karmic circumstances like rebirth. Usually, I'm just a being called upon by someone looking for help to fulfill their wishes. I'm not even a person with a physical body—just pure magical energy. You could say that being here in Karteria with all of you and having a real body feels like I'm living a second life. Takasugi Shinsaku, the superstar from Choshu, is living and breathing here. But after that...
( there's no reincarnating. there's no meeting again. this is it. he rubs red strands of hair between his fingers. )
We were both meant for great things, you said? I believe that wholeheartedly. And I'll make it happen. You and me, together.
no subject
Date: 2025-08-07 04:09 am (UTC)But that's normal. Natural, even. Humans live and die. People from different places and eras were never meant to meet. Everything up until this point has been nothing short of a miracle. But even though Takasugi always knew he was going to leave, he always spoiled Rinne with no hesitation. Could anyone blame Rinne if he wanted more?
His lip quivers. For once, he murmurs one small, childish desire.]
But you said you'd meet us in Hagi.
[Enough of this. There are greater things ahead of them, and he's starting to sound like someone he knows — someone who's always made it difficult to leave him.]
Whatever. I'm such a kid. [Playing at family, wishing for silly things. You and me, together? Don't lie to him like that.] I'm gonna go back to bed. Don't stay up too late. Good night, Shinsaku.
[Rinne ends the call before Takasugi gets the chance.]
🎀
Date: 2025-08-07 03:21 pm (UTC)he doesn't move as the broadcast cuts, as the line is severed between them.
after all, who can blame rinne? it's a harsh reality to hear. it's what takasugi has been carrying with him this whole time. it's not the fun he promises, nor the sort of song that would strum someone into action alongside him. for as much as he wants to, he can't hold rinne's hand through everything. takasugi had always wanted another chance to "live" a little longer, to experience more as he spread his crazy wings and navigated an era that did its best to feel beyond him.
but right now, it feels like none of that matters.
not while he's alone, staring at his empty hands and the sketches on the pages beneath them. even among the closest people, there are countless distances, takasugi knows. but that doesn't mean he likes it. he's just pretending to be fine with it like always.
there are more important issues to focus on than his feelings. he needs to assist with their financial issues, figure out how to manage their growing popularity, and consider what comes next for karteria as a whole. the plight for this humanity's survival was a real one, after all, and there were still so many uncertainties out there.
but right now, takasugi quietly reaches for his jacket that he left hanging on a bolt near his bed. he spreads it out carefully with the arms extended and then lays down on it. it still has that scent clinging to it—the peak of summer, all warm delight and sparking a passion that might bring someone to life in the heat. it won't last forever, but he clings to it regardless. mutters, "i'd kill all the crows in the world," into it as it soothes the restlessness in his soul, curling a hand into the white fabric.
tomorrow, he'll greet the morning like always and start over. because as long as takasugi shinsaku exists, life is supposed to be interesting. )