Ha. No. I reached out to him, which I'm not exactly proud of, since as you can imagine, his bedside manner is rather lacking. But I thought he was the closest. I didn't know anyone else that makes a habit of staying in East Sophia.
[ That was true, mostly. He'd had more of an idea that maybe Silco would have the medical tools necessary for Hugo to patch himself up, but that was wishful thinking. He did, but it wouldn't have helped. ]
Would you prefer that I be more cruel?
[ He's joking. Not that it's easy to tell in text, but the next message comes quickly enough that it's clearer. ]
...No, I understand that it's confusing. I can't explain it either, but I'm just not angry about it.
Now, it was terrifying, so please don't do it again. But I knew I was dying and was trying to ignore that fact. Facing reality was harsh, but it was necessary.
Maybe It'd definitely help clarify things, given there are few men who wouldn't hold a grudge over this
( there's a pause as takasugi feels another pang of jealousy, the memory of days spent humoring those with fantastical dreams of curing an illness with no cure playing in his mind. the dry taste of medicine down his throat on hot days where his sweaty back clung to the tatami, just waiting for someone to help him up and dab him down. the soft trill of birdsong from somewhere just beyond the engawa strip, where he spent every morning, afternoon, and night gazing out.
all the sounds and sensations of those agonizing days spent waiting for death are easy to recall even now. )
It's still good that you could choose your final moments Even with just Silco looking out for you So don't ever take that for granted
[ He does know that it’s strange, and he can’t even say that it’s because of the lie in this story. It’s not as if he resents Silco either.
…It’s certainly telling that he’s less upset about his own death than other things that had happened in his life. Even he knows that. ]
I won’t. Honestly, I’ve been trying to impart to every other Spectral I meet how they shouldn’t be alone. I know some of them have stubborn ideas about it.
Though, since this is the second time it’s come up, I have a slightly indelicate question, if you don’t mind. It’s just a personal curiosity, so don’t feel like you have to answer.
I sure did I've been dead for a long time now, actually This is Let's see Maybe the second or third time I've been "alive" since then, I believe So no matter what happens after this, there's nothing but the void
Like it's just another interesting opportunity, really A chance at making a name for yourself A chance at doing something stupid again A chance at living life in the most entertaining, spontaneous way possible
( and maybe, even, another chance at deluding yourself into thinking you can fight fate. )
Men take to a cause fast and reckless, eager to be the first to die But for as morbid as it may sound, I don't mind the circumstances that bring me to life over and over for change
Edited (a little regret over how he died, a little joy in being a servant) Date: 2025-10-09 08:41 pm (UTC)
It's no more morbid than me asking, and thus I have to thank you for the earnest answer. It's hard to know what's polite to ask and what isn't when dealing with extraordinary circumstances~.
Or, to be serious, your joie de vivre is obvious, and now I understand why. I appreciate the optimistic perspective quite a bit.
[ It's not how he's been feeling lately, but to be fair, death, rebirth, and finding yourself hungering for the deaths of others is rather naturally pessimistic... Also hanging out with Silco in general, but. ]
After all, I do agree that it's an opportunity. I'd much rather be whatever I am now than dead, that much I'm certain of.
[ ...he's not sure which conversation is worse. death or his weird bond with silco. ]
I'm as surprised as you are, honestly.. So, if you know of any methods, I'm all ears.
[ Would he actually do it?
...No. Probably not. He doesn't want to think about that either. ]
And belatedly, I have to thank you for that tip about intimacy. Obviously, that's a non-starter with Silco. It served as an excellent push that I needed to pursue other imprints, despite my misgivings.
( conversely, takasugi would rather die than reveal his most important secret.
but he can allude to a little something. that won't hurt anyone. )
It's more fun to keep your lover's identity secret, I think But I do have someone, tethered alongside an imprint Even being apart for a few days feels agonizing But, ... maybe that makes it even better
( author's note: he does not understand the full weight of that agony for a few more days. 👍 )
We have different tastes, then. It's nothing so intense, but even what little pull I feel with my imprints so far is something I find unpleasant.
[ It feels like an obligation or something that's not entirely his own choice, and that's frightening. Also, he just doesn't like being attached to people at this point, but. ]
Hmm You do tend to feel a slight draw towards even those you've had the smallest hand hold with But as long as I can keep most of them minimal Having one that's so intense it's overwhelming isn't so bad As long as that person is interesting, I don't mind having an addiction So, ... yeah I guess it really is a matter of taste, then
( it's not too strange. for all the pursuing he's done, takasugi still feels that insistent itch beneath his skin for days without contact. most won't throw themselves into it like this, and for good reason—the unknown is perilous, and so is tying yourself to others. even takasugi is being picky. but for this one in particular, it's... )
There's no doubt it can influence you I think we've all felt that from time to time But if I make a bond of my own accord, and even lean into it... Then I'd say whether I let it consume me or not is a test of will, don't you think? Regardless of an imprint or not In other words, it's up to me whether I jump off the cliff into madness or not Well, ... you can frame this in a lot of ways It's an interesting construct for sure
( and hugo took silco's hand willingly, didn't he? regardless of the circumstances. )
I'm just keen to avoid those tests of will in the first place, I suppose. I fear what would happen if I lost.
[ He's seen what that looks like, of course. Yet, even so, he's still being odd and kind by not pointing the finger at Takasugi for losing that battle when he was a very literal casualty of it. It's probably because he understands it, and that's why he's afraid.
He can feel the anger in his Soul. He's already fed on others by killing them. If that's "normal", then what would losing that battle look like? He doesn't want to ever find out.
...But he also doesn't want Takasugi to wonder about that either. So. He steers the conversation back to the salacious. ]
...Well, and I'll admit, I'm just not one for getting attached, really. Flings are more my thing than relationships.
[ ...Well, it worked, but definitely not in the direction he expected?? He definitely laughs first, because it's tacitly ridiculous to ask after all of that. But the practical concern remains. Imprints may be unsettling for him, but it's better than the alternative.
Besides. Darkly, he thinks he might as well. His very first imprint had been with the man that held him under the water until he died, so why not double down and complete the "collection" with the one that had sent him there in the first place? ]
What a bold proposition! Have I managed to charm you that much~?
[ me: hugo doesn't flirt enough me, five minutes later: , ]
I'd say it's more to prove my point And to give you a backup option in case you need it You know Just in case
( to leave the man he almost killed with no one but that which dragged him out of the dark sounds sad. whether or not it sways him beyond that, though... we'll see. )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2025-10-03 03:18 pm (UTC)[ That was true, mostly. He'd had more of an idea that maybe Silco would have the medical tools necessary for Hugo to patch himself up, but that was wishful thinking. He did, but it wouldn't have helped. ]
Would you prefer that I be more cruel?
[ He's joking. Not that it's easy to tell in text, but the next message comes quickly enough that it's clearer. ]
...No, I understand that it's confusing. I can't explain it either, but I'm just not angry about it.
Now, it was terrifying, so please don't do it again. But I knew I was dying and was trying to ignore that fact. Facing reality was harsh, but it was necessary.
no subject
Date: 2025-10-04 04:26 pm (UTC)It'd definitely help clarify things, given there are few men who wouldn't hold a grudge over this
( there's a pause as takasugi feels another pang of jealousy, the memory of days spent humoring those with fantastical dreams of curing an illness with no cure playing in his mind. the dry taste of medicine down his throat on hot days where his sweaty back clung to the tatami, just waiting for someone to help him up and dab him down. the soft trill of birdsong from somewhere just beyond the engawa strip, where he spent every morning, afternoon, and night gazing out.
all the sounds and sensations of those agonizing days spent waiting for death are easy to recall even now. )
It's still good that you could choose your final moments
Even with just Silco looking out for you
So don't ever take that for granted
no subject
Date: 2025-10-06 01:39 pm (UTC)…It’s certainly telling that he’s less upset about his own death than other things that had happened in his life. Even he knows that. ]
I won’t. Honestly, I’ve been trying to impart to every other Spectral I meet how they shouldn’t be alone. I know some of them have stubborn ideas about it.
Though, since this is the second time it’s come up, I have a slightly indelicate question, if you don’t mind. It’s just a personal curiosity, so don’t feel like you have to answer.
Did you die before you arrived here?
no subject
Date: 2025-10-09 07:39 pm (UTC)I've been dead for a long time now, actually
This is
Let's see
Maybe the second or third time I've been "alive" since then, I believe
So no matter what happens after this, there's nothing but the void
no subject
Date: 2025-10-09 07:48 pm (UTC)[ He does, somewhat. He feels like he understands Takasugi a bit better, knowing this. ]
Then, as a first-timer myself, I'm a little curious. How do you feel about this undeath?
no subject
Date: 2025-10-09 08:14 pm (UTC)A chance at making a name for yourself
A chance at doing something stupid again
A chance at living life in the most entertaining, spontaneous way possible
( and maybe, even, another chance at deluding yourself into thinking you can fight fate. )
Men take to a cause fast and reckless, eager to be the first to die
But for as morbid as it may sound, I don't mind the circumstances that bring me to life over and over for change
no subject
Date: 2025-10-09 09:00 pm (UTC)Or, to be serious, your joie de vivre is obvious, and now I understand why. I appreciate the optimistic perspective quite a bit.
[ It's not how he's been feeling lately, but to be fair, death, rebirth, and finding yourself hungering for the deaths of others is rather naturally pessimistic... Also hanging out with Silco in general, but. ]
After all, I do agree that it's an opportunity. I'd much rather be whatever I am now than dead, that much I'm certain of.
no subject
Date: 2025-10-21 08:25 pm (UTC)If anything, there's that to cling to... even if it isn't a consolation for most
( a pause, and then: )
Still
I can't get over that it's Silco
If I were you, I'd be looking into how to sever that
( not even subtle. )
no subject
Date: 2025-10-21 08:50 pm (UTC)I'm as surprised as you are, honestly.. So, if you know of any methods, I'm all ears.
[ Would he actually do it?
...No. Probably not. He doesn't want to think about that either. ]
And belatedly, I have to thank you for that tip about intimacy. Obviously, that's a non-starter with Silco. It served as an excellent push that I needed to pursue other imprints, despite my misgivings.
no subject
Date: 2025-10-21 09:06 pm (UTC)Now that you brought that up, though, I'm curious
Were any of them, you know
Intimate Intimate?
( hahah. )
1/2
Date: 2025-10-21 09:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-10-21 09:14 pm (UTC)What about you? That was the implication you gave, but if we're exchanging gossip...
[ he is NOT telling takasugi (or anyone else for that matter) about vander. he already got in trouble for that and he's not making it worse... ]
no subject
Date: 2025-10-21 09:37 pm (UTC)but he can allude to a little something. that won't hurt anyone. )
It's more fun to keep your lover's identity secret, I think
But I do have someone, tethered alongside an imprint
Even being apart for a few days feels agonizing
But, ... maybe that makes it even better
( author's note: he does not understand the full weight of that agony for a few more days. 👍 )
no subject
Date: 2025-10-22 01:57 am (UTC)[ It feels like an obligation or something that's not entirely his own choice, and that's frightening. Also, he just doesn't like being attached to people at this point, but. ]
no subject
Date: 2025-10-22 07:47 pm (UTC)You do tend to feel a slight draw towards even those you've had the smallest hand hold with
But as long as I can keep most of them minimal
Having one that's so intense it's overwhelming isn't so bad
As long as that person is interesting, I don't mind having an addiction
So, ... yeah
I guess it really is a matter of taste, then
no subject
Date: 2025-10-22 07:51 pm (UTC)[ oh how right you are buddy ]
This may be a strange question, but do you feel like that impulse is your own? That is, could you have seen it taking place before being brought here?
no subject
Date: 2025-10-22 09:58 pm (UTC)There's no doubt it can influence you
I think we've all felt that from time to time
But if I make a bond of my own accord, and even lean into it...
Then I'd say whether I let it consume me or not is a test of will, don't you think?
Regardless of an imprint or not
In other words, it's up to me whether I jump off the cliff into madness or not
Well, ... you can frame this in a lot of ways
It's an interesting construct for sure
( and hugo took silco's hand willingly, didn't he? regardless of the circumstances. )
no subject
Date: 2025-10-23 07:32 pm (UTC)[ He's seen what that looks like, of course. Yet, even so, he's still being odd and kind by not pointing the finger at Takasugi for losing that battle when he was a very literal casualty of it. It's probably because he understands it, and that's why he's afraid.
He can feel the anger in his Soul. He's already fed on others by killing them. If that's "normal", then what would losing that battle look like? He doesn't want to ever find out.
...But he also doesn't want Takasugi to wonder about that either. So. He steers the conversation back to the salacious. ]
...Well, and I'll admit, I'm just not one for getting attached, really. Flings are more my thing than relationships.
no subject
Date: 2025-10-23 07:52 pm (UTC)Well, I get the convenience and the need
( there's a generous pause after that, ... and then: )
All that aside, though
We should imprint
no subject
Date: 2025-10-23 08:01 pm (UTC)Besides. Darkly, he thinks he might as well. His very first imprint had been with the man that held him under the water until he died, so why not double down and complete the "collection" with the one that had sent him there in the first place? ]
What a bold proposition! Have I managed to charm you that much~?
[ me: hugo doesn't flirt enough
me, five minutes later: , ]
If you're serious, I accept.
no subject
Date: 2025-10-23 08:14 pm (UTC)And to give you a backup option in case you need it
You know
Just in case
( to leave the man he almost killed with no one but that which dragged him out of the dark sounds sad. whether or not it sways him beyond that, though... we'll see. )
no subject
Date: 2025-10-23 09:07 pm (UTC)A backup option is *very* much appreciated.
I haven't asked him, mind you, and I hope I never had a reason to, but. Silco doesn't exactly strike me as the hand-holding type.